Transitions

I spent most of the day with my sister in Leeds. She should be somewhere between here and Poland right now, going for 9 days holiday, good for her.

And I'm off to London for few days tomorrow. Hurray!

The place

This must be the place: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGa52pQ-z4E

Relaxed day today.

Moving on, moving on.

Yesterday I found out that I qualify for the Return to Teaching course in Barnet (North London) It's 10 weeks long and begins at the end of April. It seems exactly what I need in order to make the smooth return to teaching. I'm very happy about, especially because it also means that i'll be moving to London next month and I was really looking forward to the move.

There were other good things about yesterday. For example a superb dinner by Marek: home made lasagne with pesto and mushrooms.

And in the evening I spoke with Pablo in Vancouver (here's the link to his journals: http://circularstudio.com/journal/) Pablo is a graphic designer, we share GC background. It was great to talk, and the connection was good (7 hours difference)

These journals came to life recently, there were even some comments made. I'd actually prefer it they were made visible on the main site, instead of being available through link, but it doesn't seem to be possible with this google blog.

Today I spent the first half of the day completing the application form for the course. It took quite a while. The second half of the day was for practice and catching up.

The food was good today, actually I ate fish twice. Huray!!! Kippers for lunch and a lovely fish pie from my sister Ania.

What else? Ah, it's my third day without coffee. I'm quite impressed...

And I added a new section to the Practice Notes website: Alexander Technique.

A rich day

A full, full day.

Very tired at the end of it, so will write more tomorrow, when my brain restarts. Hopefully...

The processes

I spontaneously grabbed the piece of paper today and jotted down the main areas/processes that are of interest for me:

- Family
- Personal Practice
- Health
- Professional life
- Social life

Of course there is more, but these are the main ones. Reflect on them and on what is needed. How to balance them out and nourish individually is a current question for me.

A possible idea for the next weeks came up, but still a bit unclear, so I will let it cook away for a while. I should be better informed in the next few days and will see what is possible then.

A shift

I received a phone call from 'Returning to Teach' programme today (applied for the information pack yesterday). The person on the phone was lovely and she immediately made me feel that I was being well looked after. Wow, there seemed to be a genuine care and concern about my situation. Very professional, but with a human touch. I was given some constructive and practical information to keep me going for a while, so huray for that.

A little photo taken during today's walk:



A delicate scent of this plant made me stop, pause the song (Anesthetize by Porcupine Tree) and take this photo to make this journal bit more colourful.

I noticed a switch in how I perceive myself and others today. A change of attitude that also resulted in a more calm and relaxed state. I missed it.

Zurek and chorizo

Back to writing, although I don't feel like having much to say these days. The days became a bit dull and repetitive recently. Waiting, uncertainty, stagnation, apathy, habitual - these words spring to my mind when I reflect back on the current state of things.

Today was slightly different though, as I made some good moves towards clarifying where I actually am and what is the best course of action in terms of my professional development. Some phonecalls, few decisions. This made the difference to the day.

And in the evening i made a very controversial combination. To a ready made Zurek (Polish) I added some chorizo (Spanish). It was quite good, actually.

Transition

My sister visited from Leeds today:



The journal turned more visual in the past few days. I will write more next week...

The first day of Spring

The Spring has been here already for a while, but now it's official.

Weekend

I got an email from one fellow student today. It came at the right time and made my day!

Basic mechanics continues:



Some good distant conversations today, for example with J. I also called home and spoke with my parents. My dad had a little operation yesterday, which went well.

Green and yellow

No journal yesterday. And as yesterday, today i also got up too late. Blah blah blah...

This morning we did sitting with Marek, a good move. Soon after this a baby fridge was delivered, finally. Its name is Whirlpool:



A lot of review/study today: mechanics. Something I totally disliked and not really understood when suffering through secondary school. Funnily enough mechanics is a part of Maths curriculum in England (in Poland it's part of Physics module). I resisted, resented, but finally checked the first chapter and worked through the exercises. But wait! It was easy, even the 'difficult' ones. So a step forward, that is the limitations i thought i had were dissolved. Goodbye to another habitual thinking pattern...

And in the evening a hot issue comes up. Briefly, somebody (ex-workmate) acted carelessly, and in a negative manner. This touched my closed ones and consequences of this quickly reached me. Thanks God for the GC training that continues to support in dealing with situations like this in a positive and resolute manner.

Ah, and the flowers in the stray are in a full bloom now. Green and yellow

Tuesday in North Yorkshire

Monday

A nice day in this part of England. Warm and sunny.

After party reflection

Day off after yesterday's party.

Easily pleased, just give him some alcohol....

Peace & Contentment:



Sadly, at one point the alcohol had to finish...

Disappointment & Desparation:



But no worries! Good news is that in fact there is more!...

Relief & Celebration:

Birthday party

A good and relaxed day, part of it was dedicated for completing this week's work.

Off to Grzegorz for his birthday party in the evening.

Friday

Conscience.

The dictionary definition:

1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action.
2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.
3. an inhibiting sense of what is prudent.
....

Origin:
1175–1225; ME < AF < L conscientia; knowledge, awareness, conscience.

(from http://dictionary.reference.com/)

I get up at 7.40 today, booo...

A day with 'the end of the week' feel to it. It also differs from the previous ones in terms of my time management, as I make myself available.

It was a lovely day. The sun visited. Harrogate has many place with the open space, many strays, which are now more colorful with flowers.

It is possible to remember oneself.

Thursday in Harrogate

'I know you don't like it, but it's time to get up', said the 6.40 alarm clock. It took a while to come to the world of living. After about 20 minutes i can sense my body, finally, which is nice.

Sitting, coffee, internet, chi kung.

Spend the morning on writing some more emails re: job and then walk around Harrogate with Marlena, show her around. We have Ania's lovely curry for lunch, then to the library to meet Karolina to print/photocopy some stuff.

Home before 15. I'm bit tired. Have an AT lie-down then check out some statistics stuff.

I have a relaxed, slow paced second half of the day, with some practice too.

A chapter from KW book provided insight into one saying from the Gnostic Gospel source, actually quoted in that book:

When you make the two one,
and when you make the inner as the outer
and the outer as the inner
and the above as the below,
and when you make the male and the female into a single one,
then you shall enter the Kingdom.

Quite a day

Wow, that was quite a day.

Up with the alarm clock at 6.40 - tough. I notice how my thinking about getting up and the emotional reaction to it depends on the body posture. The perspective is different, depending on whether you are lying down, or sitting up, alert.

Usual morning exercises come to the rescue. Then coffee and internet catch up.

Then... work on maths, only to realize later that i forgot about having breakfast - i was so into it! My 'maths muscles' have stretched out recently, and i can spend more time focusing and assimilating information, without getting tired. And it makes me enjoy it more, too.

I do some reading, sleep, JGB and teaching related. The latter reminds of my work at the school 5 years ago. It was my first job after graduation. The book made me recall some mistakes I made then, but didn't recognize at a time, so very useful reading. This book is full of good stuff. A little quote:

Learning to fail meaningfully means we acknowledge our fallibility (in ourselves and others). Label the failure for what it is - a mistake, a lapse in judgement (even a lack of skills) - and instead of excusing the failure ask what can be learned from it...

(Behaviour Management, Bill Rogers)

I make the good move and contact more teaching agencies, to broaden my search for work, with a special focus on London. Have a big 'aha moment' when notice a release once this is done. As if the emotional baggage, a concern I couldn't quite name and identify before was off my shoulders. Perhaps i was worrying i'm not doing enough? I'll continue in the same line tomorrow.

I have some Polish food for lunch (mielone), then go out for a lovely walk. The weather is fab, i feel great and the book (KW) is mind blowing.

Back home, guitar action. Then tidy up around the flat and go shopping with Marek.

In the evening M's sister Marlena arrives from Tychy, to join us here! It's great to see her and we have a nice evening together, with a lot of cheeky jokes and delicious pizzas made by Marek.

Just journal to post now, and ready for bed.

It's 23.12

A revenge of the fridge ghost

Uff, it was a tough night. Unsettled and uncomfortable sleep, mostly, so it's the zombie that gets up. Maybe the ghost of the murdered fridge was after me?

Sitting at 7.45 - this wakes me up a bit and brings back to functionality. Coffee etc.

I do usual morning maths, and again this goes well, in the meantime exchange emails with my mum in Tychy. I follow this with reading of the book that arrived today: Classroom Behaviour, by Bill Rogers. He's the education specialist, and in this book he writes about issues that most (perhaps every?) teacher (except me, yet) has to face up to, like challenging behaviour management, dealing with anger, emotional disorders etc. Also stuff like effective teaching or colleague support. The reading so far has been most interesting, a kind of stuff i needed - practical, down-to-earth, inspiring and uplifting, so a big hurray for this one.

Also a lot of other stuff I won't go into detail of here, like guitar, JOTD, DoA.

K visits and we give the final touch to the 'unhappy customer to the evil bank' letter. M has some good ideas to add too.

Ah, and as for the fridge, it's finally gone, so is the freezer. M sees the positive side of it: it was the high time to change it as it didn't work properly. Some of the food goes to the neighbours, for time being, some will have to go or be used up.

In the evening L, an old friend from Tychy visits for dinner. A nice chat in the same group we used to hang around back in Tychy years ago.

Again, to bed early (22.39 now), so will be in bed before 23 o'clock, as planned. One bad night doesn't discourage me, shall we talk after the third one?

Trust the process!

From the fridge murderer

Today is an exciting day for me. I begin to work with the book that provides 21-day sleep improvement program, no doubt - essential for me. It has been developed by the sleep specialist team in Seattle, we'll see how it goes. Yesterday I went to sleep early, so getting up at 6.40 was easy. Today I felt like making a good use of the most potent time of the day (for me).

Usual morning exercises and breakfast. I work with the ROTL exercise today, and hourly snapshots as a little experiment:

08.00 [LH] - Sitting at laptop, writing.
09.04 [LF] - Study maths.
10.00 [RF] - Keep studying.
11.00 [RH] - Preparing the scone and drink.

12.00 [LF] - Sit on the bench in the garden.
13.00 [RF] - Practicing guitar with Marek.
14.00 [RH] - Write the notes on laptop.
15.00 [LH] - Clean the dishes.

16:00 [RF] - Practice the Division of Attention
17.00 [RH] - Edit journal.
18.00 [LH] - Being served at the supermarket till.
19.00 [LF] - Washing up after dinner.

20.00 [RH] - Sitting and waiting for the skype call.

Unusually reliable & grounding practice.

What else? I called the agency to inquiry about my registration process. I originally spoke with people in Brighton, registered in Huddersfield, a woman from Sheffield is dealing with my clearance (CRB and such) and just recently got the phonecall from Southampton branch interested in my cv but not aware that i was actually registered with their company. As soon as i have my registration completed i will take more initiative.

Few things about today i remember now:

- some good work on refreshing maths.

- strong guitar session with Marek, we had nice egg fry afterwards.

- today the project of daily division of attention with AP began.

- two good chi kung sessions (morning and evening)

I also murdered the fridge. While happily chopping away the blocks of ice with the knife, i hit something i should have missed, that is the gas container. I tried to fix it, but not sure it worked. Tomorrow we'll know more!

In the evening i catch up with Marcin in Tychy. A good, over one hour talk on the variety of issues, GC related mostly.

A good day, I'm going to make it an early night again.

Just noticed my notes are mostly self-centred. There you go then.

It's 22.29 o'clock, goodnight.

Day off

Marjorie Barstow on the Alexander Technique:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdrP_XGEuWI&feature=related

Saturday

I had a vivid dream last night: comforting, promising, disturbing, connecting, all this at once. My sense is that it was about the relationships with other peopl. The dream left an impression that stayed with me all day long.

A good day, some maths, practice, visiting friends etc. I also called my grandmother to see how she is after her return from the hospital, all seems fine. Also call home.

I have this 'what am i doing here?' feeling lately. I really look forward to relocating soon...

Friday

It was a beautiful day today, very sunny and warm.

I didn't feel well today, due to many factors i guess. On of them was getting up late. Also some stuff comes up on the surface, but i kind of see why is that, what for. So a static first half of the day, with not much done.

But hey, life is good, we have a new washing machine and i'm happy to use it straightaway to come to the rescue to the awaiting pile of laundry.

The evening is quite nice, with the highlights of chi kung and guitar. I also catch up with some podcasts and listen to some 'integral' interviews, also do some related reading.

I'm a strange kind of man, it's friday night, and I'm sober, hmmm.

Thursday

Yesterday was Thursday.

I didn't use the opportunity that sun gave, when I finally went out with the book to sit and read in the garden, it was already clouded and cold! it was a nice day anyway, definitely the spring is here!

I called the teaching agency branch that deals with my case today, but they have to collect my info from Huddersfield branch, where i registered first. Later on i get the phone call from another the Southampton branch of the same company, they found my cv on the internet, but were not aware i already registered with them. It seems that the exchange of information between branches is not their strongest point. Anyway, looks like things are moving on forward and the employers are potentially interested in talking to me.

A highlight of the day is our first joint guitar session with Marek. A good stuff, i put some details of this in 'practice notes'.

After this i walk to the care home to visit my sister doing the night shift. A good visit, but sadly, the place is low on energy and not most welcoming space to work recently.

One of the things that made this day stable was ongoing ROTL exercise, today I extended its time span to 12 hours, a good move.

A rich day, but too tired to write anything intelligible now. More tomorrow...

Statistics frenzy

I didn't have best sleep last night, and as reported by others who kindly share their flat with me, I was producing strange sounds.

A pretty good day, but no point to report in detail as it could turn out too boring.

Basically I focused on getting back into maths - to warm up and get the feel for my plan again. Today it's statistics. I don't like when i get stuck too much in the head with this stuff, so i occasionally pause and reengage in the body, relax and sense. The ROTL exercise is very useful here and keeps me on the track.

Good work this, but I realize that it is no longer my cup of tea, really, and i find it bit boring. Getting to teach is more means to achieve what really resonates with me. Still, it doesn't mean i'm not enthusiastic about it.

I manage to get some sun in the park today. One blackbird seems very brave, standing just a meter away while I'm passing it by. Realize it's probably the parent's strategy to keep me away from the nest. It makes sense, I move on.

In the meantime i do some practice (JOTD, Guitar, DOA) . There are things that keep me excited, like the project of work on the Division of Attention.

I found this link today, two sensitive people meet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pDjT1UNT3s&feature=related

Spiderman socks and such...

3rd March
Harrogate, England

Still recovering from Spain and readjusting to being back in the UK. On the whole a good day with solid personal practice. This is probably the best I can do at the moment - to ground myself in order to digest the recent days info and be ready for some action in the upcoming weeks.

The washing machine got broken today, so had to borrow socks from M. They are really cool and have a Spider-man picture on them, not that he chose them, it was the gift, and he knew who should he lend them to.

2nd March 2009

Day of rest.

Post the journal entries for the past 11 days away...

1st March 2009

The kitchen/house are completed in the morning.

Then off to Barcelona where I hang around with Tywi.

Swift travel back home - sleep on the plane, don't have to wait for baggage etc. As soon as I land catch up with my sister and parents.

Home, Marek prepares delicious pizza, and there's some Japanese beer too.

Wind down...

Good to be back.